🤏 Tiny Music Critiques 🤏

10.03.2024 /// Gaga gets plenty of accolades and attention, so I'm not here to talk about her immaculate style, performances, music videos, dark club bangers, or any of that shit... I'm here to talk about Starstruck from "The Fame." The turntablisms do not disappoint. "Queue me up I'm the 12 on your table"? "Fantasize, I'm the track that you're tweakin'"?? "Got your Dre headphones with the left side on, wanna scratch me back and forth"??? Whoever wrote this song was down bad for some skinny ass Diplo lookin' metrosexual.. 😩 Don't get me wrong, the chorus of this song is not great by any means, but the verses alone merit this as an entry into the National Archives.

09.16.2024 /// I feel like "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback is the most ubiquitous song in English-speaking North America. It crosses borders, races, and social creeds; it is the handshake across the political aisle in the most tumultuous times. It's a palette cleanser of a song, and I say that so respectfully. This song is twenty years old and I know 75% of grown adults still know every word. I mean don't even mention, holy shit, the theme song for Monday Night Raw in 2011??

08.08.2024 /// I feel like so many people shit on late 2000s and early 2010s pop music for sounding like, well, shit. Like yeah on your mega gamer headphones they sound like ass, but the rest of us were blaring Turn My Swag On at hearing-damage-inducing levels from the radio in our beat up Hondas and/or iPod headphones (which were glorified miniature tin cans and some rubber). There were some fire beats back then even if the 808s don't quite hit. YouTube the "bass boosted" version if you're that starved for cranial vibration.

08.01.2024 /// New unpopular opinion: if you cut out all the "will.i.am" parts from Scream & Shout and just leave Britney Spears', it would just be a modern Charli XCX song. And it kinda rips harder? This shit was ahead of its time; 2013 was not ready. There's also an absolutely insane period piece trap banger remix + music video.

02.01.2024 /// "Dirty Work" by Steely Dan would be an absolutely perfect song if it weren't for that Huey-Lewis-and-the-News-sounding-ass sax solo toward the end. God, I hate it.

01.30.2024 /// I love to qualify songs into a category that I call, "20 year-old white kid's "Grindset" workout." Today's contribution is "AIN'T GONNA ANSWER" by NLE Choppa with a Lil Wayne feature. I just KNOW the 20-something meatheads at my local gym (who are probably gaslit into thinking working 80 hours per week is normal) listen to this song on repeat when they're trying to deadlift an unreasonable amount of weight for their #fitstagram accounts. No shade to NLE though, this song goes hard even if it's kinda goofy. And honestly, Lil Wayne's voice annoys the f*ck out of me, but his verse on this song is one of his best in recent years.

01.28.2024 /// I don't get the '60s/'70s trend of fading songs out on an extended chorus. I think it's a total cop out. For example, Eddie Rabbitt's trucker anthem, "Drivin' My Life Away." Like, don't get me wrong, this song bangs. However, why does it end on a fade out of the chorus? It could've ended the last chorus with a twangy, fuzzed-out riff and would've been way more memorable. This is one of my favorite eras of music, but this takes an automatic 1 star off any song for me.