Turn My Swag On (My Shitty iPod Headphones)
I feel like so many people shit on late 2000s and early 2010s pop
music for sounding like, well, shit. Yes, songs that were mixed on
Windows 7 sound like ass on your overpriced gamer headphones
manufactured 15 years in the future. You might not understand the
exhilarating rush of hearing
Calle Ocho
at hearing-damage-inducing levels from the (non-HD) radio in
your hand-me-down
shitbox
... Jesus, you might not even think there's genius in the bombast of
Turn My Swag On...
But you know what? π΅Back in our dayπ΅ the elder
Zoomers and yung Millennials had no choice but to gleefully drown out
the Great Recession-induced household horrors with 128kbps .AAC
quality songs that we ripped from scratched-to-hell mix CDs. Out of
these
monstrosities, no less.
Those fuckers were glorified miniature tin cans topped off
with the lowest quality rubber that Apple could source. I guess they
were too busy raking in fat stacks with such new inventions as the
iPhone and the iPod to include better headphones in
the box with them.
I know I'm talking mad shit now, but I didn't think about any of the
aforementioned things back when I was 14, laying in my bed every night
listening to the local radio station. I was too busy thinking about
how fucking sick it was that they were playing the
new Timbaland song
for the fifth time that evening, mostly because you enlisted your
friends to call in and request it a shit ton of times.
Anyways, I LIVE/LAUGH/LOVED THIS SHIT and you can
too! The beats can still be fire even if the 808s don't quite hit on
your modern $300 speakers. If you're truly starved for sub-bass
cranial vibration that only modern Atlanta trap can provide, then I'd
like you to know those bitches
(your $300 speakers, if you already forgot) came with some
(piece of shit) software to EQ them, use it!! I'd even wager an
even easier task for the evolved social pariah who flatly
refuses to traverse life with
grace and decorum, search the
bass-boosted version
on YouTube and sort by most viewed.